Francesca Posted on November 17 2017
Why do we behave as if conflict brings anxiety, troubles, and is the primary cause of stress?
The main reasons are the Queen and the King of "soul block": fear and lack of skill.
It could be the fear of change opinion, the fear of facing our limits, or the fear of being more vulnerable, and in many cases, a mix of them.
Plus, we all know that conflict activates a sort of self-protection mechanism, causing many of us to feel over-adrenalized while we realize our lack of sense of control.
In fact, many of us want to avoid conflict at all cost, but the problem here is that you cannot accept (not pretend to) something that it's not right for you.
You can never accept situations you do not understand or respect your identity or dignity.
To avoid conflicts, pretending that everything is ok, is not a great idea, especially when meaningful for us is on the plate.
When you assume the possibility to see the energy that every conflict generates as a gift, you change from being fearful to being curious.
Embracing the fact that conflict itself is "neutral" and finding out its hidden gift, it’s up to you. Allow yourself to face the situation with a higher perspective and sense of control is the way that opens up to the proactive territory for finding a positive solution for both.
Here are the 5 Priceless Gifts you get from every conflict
when you embrace the "neutral" identity of conflict.
1 ) THE GIFT OF LISTENING
When we frame in our brain the conflict as an opportunity to create a new win-win territory, the first thing we learn is listening.
As you know having excellent listening skills is vital in many aspects and moments of life.
We are all unique, and everyone has a different vision and perspective. Cultivating and improving the listening skill is the first way to be able to identify a win-win way to walk and create a new positive energy, the key that open new possibilities and opportunities.
2) THE GIFT OF CLARITY
Every conflict leads you to explain your needs, clarifying your vision to others. You have to know what you want and how you should create it.
When you explain exactly what you want, you bring more clarity in you, and this sense of self-clarification leads the spirit towards a more straight and centered position.
3) THE GIFT OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Every conflict brings energy made of a vast range of emotions. Mastering this force means leading the conflict in a positive way for both.
Listening means using empathy to understand other people's overall perspective; this is key to create a new positive way for both.
Conflict describes something we resist.
It invites you to examine that resistance and the emotions surrounding it.
4) THE GIFT OF FLEXIBILITY
Every fight or conflict teaches you to be flexible because what you're going to do is find a way to reach others' needs and respect yourself.
We can define a conflict as healthy when everyone can explain her/his position and opinion.
Being more flexible meaning go out of your comfort zone.
It can bring a kind of tension or stress, especially if you're not used to training yourself to step out of "cozy situations".
5)THE GIFT OF IDENTITY
Taking part in conflict is a great opportunity to define your "territory" (and your position), declaring your boundaries to other people and yourself.
This is an essential step to increase self-esteem, trust our potentiality and taking care of our energy.
When you're talking to other people searching for a positive way to walk together, you're also declaring your identity to yourself.
On the opposite, when you pretend to quit your needs because you want to avoid the conflict, you lose self-esteem, the relationship with those people will be getting tiring.
When avoiding a conflict is better than going into it:
You can always learn from situations that allow you to express yourself and affirm your needs, especially when, looking for a positive solution, you need to get out of your comfort zone.
Getting out from unhealthy situations where expressing yourself is impossible or where the conflict into a one-way battle ( as with narcissistic people, for example) is your responsibility and the healthy way to walk.
Conflicts are great opportunities to understand yourself deeper, declare respect for yourself, creating a positive new situation for both.
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