Posted on November 17 2017
Why do we behave as if conflict brings anxiety, troubles and is the primary cause of stress?
The main reasons are the Queen and the King of "soul block": fear and lack of skill.
It could be the fear of change opinion, the fear of facing our limits, or the fear of being more vulnerable, and in many cases a mix of them.
Plus, we all know that conflict activates a sort of self-protection mechanism, causing many of us to feel over-adrenalized while we realize our lack sense of control.
In fact, many of us want to avoid conflict at all cost, but the problem here is that you cannot accept (not pretend to) something that it's not right for you for some reasons.
You can never accept a situation that you don't understand, and that doesn't respect your identity or your dignity.
Here's why avoid conflicts is not a great idea, especially when what we have on the plate has a high value to you.
When we assume the possibility to see the energy that every conflict generates as a gift, we change from being fearful to being curious, a mindset connected to learning and growth.
Embracing the concept that conflict is "neutral" and it’s up to you to set its hidden gift free, allow us to face the situation with a higher sense of control infusing a sense of trust. That is the perfect land for finding a positive solution for both.
Here are the 5 Priceless Gifts you get from every conflict
when you embrace the "neutral" identity of conflict.
1 ) THE GIFT OF LISTENING
When we frame in our brain the conflict as an opportunity to create a new win-win territory, the first thing we learn is listening.
As you know having excellent listening skills is vital in many aspects and moments of life. We are all unique, and everyone has a different vision and perspective of the world. Cultivating and improving the listening skill is the first way to be able to identify a win-win way to walk and create a new positive energy, the key that open new possibilities and opportunities.
2) THE GIFT OF CLARITY
Every conflict brings us to explain what we want clarifying your vision to other people. You have to know precisely what you want and how you should create it.
It doesn't happen when you have not to articulate your needs to other people and that's why sometimes we don't know exactly what we really want. And as Alice says:
"If don't know where you're going any road will take you there."
When you explain exactly what you want you bring more clarity in you, and this sense of self-clarification leads the spirit towards more straight and centered position.
3) THE GIFT OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Listening means also using empathy to understand the whole perspective of other people and having all the tools to create a new positive way for both.
Conflict describes something we resist. It invites you to examine that resistance and the emotions surrounding it. If we are willing to expand our perspective significantly, we may discover new heroes of ourselves as well.
Every conflict brings an energy made of a vast range of emotions. Mastering this force means leading the conflict in a positive way for both.
4) THE GIFT OF FLEXIBILITY
Every fight or conflict teaches us to be flexible because you need to reach other people needs and also respect yourself. We can define a conflict as healthy when everyone can explain her/his position and opinion.
Being more flexible meaning go out of your comfort zone. This can bring a kind of tensions or stress, especially if you're not use to train yourself out of your "cozy situations" and is also our best teacher.
5)THE GIFT OF IDENTITY
Taking part in a conflict is a great opportunity to define your "territory" (and your position) and declaring your borders to other people and yourself.
This is an indispensable step to increase self-esteem and trust our potentiality.
When you're talking to other people searching for a positive way to walk together you're also declaring your identity to yourself.
On the opposite, when you pretend to quit your needs because you want to avoid the conflict, you lose self-esteem and probably the relationship with that people will be even more tiring.
When avoiding a conflict is better than going into it:
We should face each healthy conflict, and avoid every sick one.
Meaning, we always learn from situations that give us the opportunity to express ourself and affirm our needs.
On the opposite, running far+far away from unhealthy conditions is the best choice if people don't allow you to express yourself in any way turning a conflict into a one-way battle.
Conflict is an opportunity to understand yourself deeper, declare respect for yourself and create a new situation that is positive for both.